Get Guy Back After Break-Up

You may experience a very difficult time after a man breaks up with you..  You may feel very despondent and not feel or act like yourself.at this point. Your life may seem like it has lost its meaning without  him being in it.  Maybe you want to get the guy back.

Getting back with someone who broke up with you can be a very difficult  task. For whatever reason, the other person decided that they no longer wanted to try and work things out.  They just wanted it to end.  It's usually easier to work out a relationship while you're still in it; as opposed to when it has ended.

With that being said, you can get guy back if he broke up with you.  The most critical aspect to this is you are absolutely positive that getting back with him is exactly what you want.  Be sure to check your motives and ensure that they are for right reasons.  Don't want him back just to have him back.  You most have good reasons why you want him back.

The second most critical aspect to get guy back is to realize that sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  Some people can make up and move on.  Others, they just can't recapture the magic of the relationship they once shared.  Even if you don't succeed you will know you did your best to get guy back.

If you want to get guy back, you must, and there is no room for negotiation on this, get your emotions in check.  Guys do not want to be with women who can't keep their emotions under control.  If you attempt to contact him while you don't have control of your emotions you may do even more damage.  For example, if he was starting to miss you and think about you, but you contact him and you're an emotional mess, you may make him realize that his choice to break up with you was valid.

The best thing you can do is instead of worrying about what he's doing, or feel sad that you don't have him, is to start living your own life.  You must prove to him that you can be mature about this breakup.  Keep up with your daily routines.  Do your hair nice, wear makeup, wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself.  Hang out with your friends.  Meet someone online or go on a casual date.  Just find a way to boost your confidence while interacting with others.

If you're staying active and living your life without bothering him, you will have a better chance to get him back.  If you stay out of contact with him, no calls, no email, no text messages, nothing, you'll probably find that he will eventually call you, or get in touch with you.

When he does, just keep it brief.  Tell him how busy you've been.  Don't get mushy or gush out feelings for him.  Act indifferent and aloof.  This will confuse him.  If he wants to see you again, make sure you look your best.  Don't let him touch you or kiss you.  Before you leave, if you want, give him a hug but that's it.  This will drive him crazy.  From this point, you should be able to get guy back pretty easily.  Just take it slow.

As you can see, you can get guy back, you just have to get your emotions under control.  Life your life to the fullest.  Always look your best, because that will help you to feel your best.  Back off, give him space.  He'll most likely contact you and want to see you again.  When he does, be a little bit of a tease.  Make him work for your affections again.

You may want to check out this information below as you grow and heal.  

 CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS

Premature Reconcilation

Although you and your partner have taken the first steps to “Making Up”  it is very important not to move prematurely.    It is imperative not to let your emotions take over before logic when getting your ex back.  Moving too quickly can prove to be more detrimental than being apart.

For example:

Tom and Cindy have agreed to meet up in a public place and talk over a cup of coffee.    Having a controlled environment will keep the conversation casual and hopefully to the point.  Will also assist in not getting physical too soon. 

Cindy is enjoying Tom’s company, but the meeting seems to linger.  Cindy has expressed that she is considering the chance of them getting back together, but instead of leaving after 20 minutes or so, Tom starts to elaborate and seems to be too zealous.  He is moving at a fast and steady place, while Cindy is listening and slowly letting her emotions get the best of her.   He continues to express how he loves and misses her, but also gives the impression that he needs her in a physical way. 

Before you know it… Cindy gives into her emotions and possibly guilt, which in turn leads to her sleeping with her ex.   Often times the woman will give in thinking that this may be the answer to reconcile their relationship.   Unfortunately this is a temporary band-aid to a wound that has not healed.  

What should have happened and how do you avoid premature reconciliation ???

• Keep the meeting brief.   Insinuate that you are somewhat busy, but are happy to see them.  
• Be direct, and have a plan of discussion before arriving.    Speak from the heart, but don't linger on   and on.  This often will take the conversation in a different direction.   Stay focused.
•  Let your partner know that you care but need time with yourself in order to begin steps towards reconciling the relationship.  Be patient and understanding even if they seem anxious.  
• Acknowledge their feelings while keeping the conversation focused and advise that you should "take it slow and see how things go".  Don't appear over zealous or pushy.  It takes time to heal.
• Make plans to meet again…maybe at a park or a cool place where you both can unwind and just be friends again.   After all …being your partners friend should always be the foundation of your relationship.   **Special Note - Don't rush the next meeting.  Allow some time for both of you to heal.**
• More than anything...SMILE.   Let your partner see that light in your eyes.  Let them feel that you are in a positive place.   This will cause them to want to be in your  space again.

       Take your time and get to know your partner again.  This can be rewarding and beneficial to both of you !

       T.Dub gives more examples here on video:    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XofIY_Rg1aY

   The Magic of Making UP Course by T.Dub !!

How To Tell If You Are in A Toxic Relationship

Its easy to identify if you are in a toxic relationship.  Often times you are blinded by the symptoms.   In some cases you may feel that its normal, especially if you experienced toxic relationships while growing up.  Often if a person has low esteem or suffer from depression, they will feel as if you can't do any better.   No one deserves to be in a toxic relationship.

Its important to look deep within yourself first.   

Here are some signs of a toxic relationship.

• You have had to make ALL the adjustments in order to please them.
• Your partner tells you that they love you, but his/her actions are contrary in their actions.

• Your partner shows up or is constantly checking on you.   Dictating what you should wear and where you can go.   They are controlling and you have no say so.
• Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.  Often times there are limitations on how much you can interact with friends and family members
• Your partner puts you down (verbally) or embarrasses you in front of others.

Being around a toxic individually can cause you to feel ill.   Their energy is very draining and it is unknown why anyone would want to be around a toxic person.

Toxic relationships have a cycle.   First the honeymoon stage, followed by a blow up.  Lastly, followed by a make-up or reconciliation period.  The cycle eventually restarts after the reconciliation period.   

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage.  It is not until they’ve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship.  At that point, it is difficult to get out.

As pointed out earlier, one reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes.  As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they’re doing it.  And, they may not know any better.  Others believe they do not deserve happiness.  Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people, but the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. 

Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself.  In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault.  Once you buy into this,  it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.  For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships. 

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships.  Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.  But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged.  Sometimes it takes a little space.  Other times, it takes counseling.  But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you’re willing to walk away.  If you aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you. 

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection.  Don’t nag the other person.  Simply say “I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”

If you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you’re prepared to walk.

A healthy relationship is a two way street.  In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way.  You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.

How to Restore Trust in Your Relationship After An Affair

After you have exhausted all excuses…. It wasn’t me !  My spouse pushed me into someone else’s arms ! I was drunk.  I was hurt or depressed.  The person was there when I needed them.  I don’t know what happened.   I wasn’t  getting what I needed at home….and so many MORE reasons.   Are they valid reasons?

Actually...they are all symptoms to core issues that were never addressed.

How do you restore trust in your relationship after an affair ?  Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship.  But I disagree.  I believe that every relationship is savable if both parties really want to work on it.  This article is about restoring trust in relationships.

In order to restore trust,  both parties must adjust their attitudes and actions.  Although seemingly impossible it is possible to save a relationship after an affair.  

If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray.  There may be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased.  But you can heal the disease.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed?  Was the sex boring or non existing ?  Was she too busy for you?  Was she just not spending enough time on making herself attractive to you?

You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship was perfect.  So, what needs to be done to fix it?  Often that requires one to look at themselves.  But just as often, that lies in the couple’s relationship.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems.  Sometimes that means going into couples counseling. But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough.  The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.

The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things. One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them.  If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it.  And, do it consistently.  When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.

Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed.  This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time.  You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course.  It is not easy for her to forgive the breach.  If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her. 

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever.  In fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building.  Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to look at the incident from a different perspective.  Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature.  Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.

Understand that restoring trust in a relationship will take some time, but it is possible to rebuild and have a successful relationship with the one you love.

Relationship Advice For Men Looking to Find A Mate

What should men know if they want a relationship to work for the long haul?  What is the best relationship advice for men?

Probably the single biggest piece of relationship advice for men is to stop listening to what women say they want and start observing what women actually display that they want.

How do they display what they want?  It is as simple as observing what kind of men they choose.

Women say “I want a man who listens to me.”  They choose the man who dominates the conversation.  Women say, “I want a guy with a good sense of humor.”  They date the guy who has money.

Why do women say they want one thing but actually go out with a guy who is just the opposite?  The answer to that question lies in the subconscious motivators for getting together.  And, therein lies my relationship advice for men.

The historical, biological reason for men and women to get together is to propagate the species.  In other words, just because getting pregnant may be the last thing on her conscious mind, when she evaluates a man at the subconscious level, she’s still looking for a good papa for her children.

Is the good dad someone who listens to her?  No, it is someone who will provide for her children.  And, the person who can provide for her children is someone who has the confidence to bring home the bacon.

Women need men who can be good providers.  While a man can produce thousands of sperm on repeated occasions throughout their adult lives, even into their 90’s, women have about 400 chances of producing a baby.  As a result, they are looking for a man who can provide longevity and stability for their babies.

A man who tells a women he is a lawyer and not a paralegal will have a better chance of landing her.  That is because she perceives that a lawyer is a better provider for her future children. 

But having a good income is not enough.  A woman needs to perceive that a man is generous with his resources and will provide for her children.  That is why women place such a high value on gifts such as jewelry.

It may also be why the engagement ring must be such a large purchase.  When you ask a woman to marry you, you give her a ring, not just because it is traditional and romantic, but because it is a tangible display that you can provide for her and her children.

Further, even though modern humans make money more from their brains than their brawn, women are still programmed to think of strength equaling the ability to provide.  That’s why, even when there is evidence to the contrary in the form of a tax return, the woman is hardwired to choose the lineman over the computer geek.

So, the biggest piece of relationship advice for men is to figure out what women need from an evolutionary point of view and give it to her.  

More Info From T DUB Jackson....  HERE !

Ending a Relationship – How To Break Up When You Can’t Make-Up

It’s never easy to break up with someone you love, but it’s always best to end a relationship on a respectful level.   Waiting till anxieties and anger kicks in, can lead to horrible circumstances of events.   Fighting, temper tantrums, damaging property or verbal abuse can prove to be costly and often makes it difficult for any future communication.   It’s not worth it to lose your FRIEND in the midst of a break-up.

If your to-do List looks like this……

·               Do the laundry

·               Stop at the grocery store

·               Break up with my partner

Then chances are that the relationship has gone sour and someone has to make the first move to end it.  Unfortunately so many relationships go way past the expiration date.   Both parties seem to wait on the other to make the first move or just LEAVE.   In some cases one or both parties don’t want to be viewed as the person that “gave up”, “walked out” or didn’t fight for their relationship.   There may be outside pressures from family members and friends.

How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?

You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance.  The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason.  Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest.  That means that in your discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.

Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup.  In general, it is better to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.

Show compassion when ending the relationship.  If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion. 

Don’t put your partner on the defensive.  Talk about the things you’ve learned and the memories you will cherish that have come from your love.  Be present during the break up.  Your partner may become very emotional during this time.  You need to respond to their needs.

Don’t take anything personally when ending a relationship.  Your partner may say things they don’t really mean.  Let these words roll off of your back.

Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship.  Or, they may need space.  Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.  But don’t let them make you feel guilty.  You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex.  It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.

Should you ever consider reconnecting?  Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”

That is something you have to decide.  Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met.  If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple. However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.

7 Steps To How to Save A Relationship

Lets start by looking at a common scenario……..

Tommy has been working long hours and Beth dosen’t feel he is there for her.   Beth spends her time meeting the children’s needs and Tommy feels that she dosen’t have time for HIS needs ?   Can this relationship be saved ?  Here is how to save a relationship.....

        First, one must come to a conclusion of whether the relationship is worth saving.   While realistically, almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide whether they want to make it work.   If one partner has opted out and dosen’t want to work it out, there is little that can be done.

        So many people stay in relationships for various reasons.    Some stay for the convenience of marriage or because of the children.   Honestly….that simply isn’t enough.    How to save a relationship starts with 2 people committing to one another and being on the same page that the relationship is worth saving.

        Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship.  One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.  

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups.  In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem.  For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse.  While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship.  If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

Once you are able to identify the core issues….you can save the relationship.   As you begin to understand the core problems,  you can both begin to share your thoughts.  This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.  Hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you.   Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

        

        We all hate to do this…but at this crucial point in the relationship, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.   This isn’t the time to be insensitive or non-feeling.  Your partner really needs to see your heart at this point.    Eye contact and sincerity will go a long way.

        Once you have found the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them.  Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  If you don’t spend time together like you used.... plan a date night every week.  Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday.  If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  And, then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.   Be patient with your partner…

Is your relationship worth saving?  If so, I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.

      HERE is MORE great information on "How To Melt Your Man's Heart" 

How To UnLock Your Man's Heart

Have you ever seen that couple that seems to be perfect for one another and always exhibiting a love that seems like a fairytale.   You see love in their eyes and they seem as if they are  lost in each others love.

They actually talk to one another.  They interact by touching and they appear to be the only couple in existence as they share one another’s space.

I would guess  that All of us at some point have thought….. “Why can’t I have that ?

Have you tried to mimic some of the things you see,  only to have your feelings hurt.  Have you been totally ignored or had your loving gestures thrown back in your face ??

If you find yourself  in this position I will go out on a limb and say that there is probably 1 thing you haven’t  done in your relationship.

I will tell you that once you start doing this…you’ll open the gates of passion,  as well as establishing a deep fulfilling relationship with your man.   Best of ALL…..a lasting relationship !!

Let me show you how...  ….How to Make Your Relationship the Envy of Your Friends...

There's no doubt that relationships can be complicated beasts...but that doesn't mean they can't be GREAT...you just have to follow the formula for success.   It's the SAME formula that those "perfect couples" you envy follow.

Here it is:

* Step 1:  Learn what DESTRUCTIVE ingredients tear a relationship apart.

* Step 2:  Look at what CONSTRUCTIVE ingredients make a relationship great.

* Step 3:  Eliminate the destructive ingredients one by one.

* Step 4:  Add the constructive ingredients one by one.

* Step 5:  Rinse and repeat this process as your circumstances change.

The result?

A relationship that's truly fulfilling with a man who showers you with attention, love, respect, and caring...all without you having to twist his arm! 

It sounds simple...and it is, in theory, but the devil is in the details of how exactly this all gets done.

The WORST Destructive Ingredient to Eliminate Immediately... Let's first take a look at getting rid of what I've found is THE single worst destructive ingredient - and that's contempt.  What do I mean by "contempt"?  Let me give you an example.

Okay, so you and your man have gotten into an argument.  Are you simply disagreeing or are you yelling and screaming at each other?  Is it getting personal? Do you feel you are on the attack and he is on the defensive or vice versa? Has anybody been brought to tears?  Arguments are okay, but when it starts to get personal, when you start attacking each other, putting each other down, showing contempt for each other, that's when a vicious cycle ensues.

With every action, there is a reaction. That's stepping over into a law of physics, but it applies here: if you say something in a certain tone of voice, you may get a response from your man that "matches" your tone of voice. If you show contempt, he'll show contempt, and then you'll get into a destructive game of trying to one-up each other for the worst put down and then all bets are off.  This is a damaging cycle that you want to avoid at ALL costs.

Your first step is to immediately stop the contempt and personal attacks - this can be hard sometimes, especially if he's personally attacking you, but it's where this whole process HAS to start.

Instead of responding with an equivalent personal attack, what exactly ARE you supposed to do?

Well, glad you asked!  Add This Ingredient to Open Up Your Man's Heart...

You've probably heard the old saying, "You catch more bees with honey."  It means that there are two ways of saying something: one is sweet like honey; the other is tart like vinegar.

For example, if you're arguing and he says, "You know, you're really clingy," stop yourself from reacting defensively and trying to come up with your own zinger to "one-up" him.  If you want to melt his heart, that's not the road to success.

Instead, go for the honey-sweet approach: take a deep breath, count to five... and then calmly say, "If you feel you need more space, then let's discuss that."  You just threw him for a loop-but in a good way, because you're offering to consider his needs.  You just took the heat out of his fire, and instead showed him you care.  That will remind him that you're the dream girl he first fell in love with - warm, caring and loving.

You can't necessarily directly control what your man says or how he reacts, but you DO have control over what YOU say and do.  And this ultimately indirectly influences how your man reacts and whether this is just a bump in the road or if it's going to turn into an unmitigated relationship disaster.

Do THIS to Enjoy a Honeymoon Forever...

To have a successful relationship, one that draws your man to you like a bee to honey, avoid those destructive relationship ingredients - such as tart words - and substitute them with a little honey.

The more you do this, the more likely your relationship will be successful - and the envy of your friends.

I want you to think over what destructive habits you may have right now that could inadvertently be tearing your relationship apart and driving your man away.  Then think about how you can respond instead with honey - it'll be tough at first because your initial reaction will be an emotional one, but over time, after practice, it'll become second nature.  It's not your fault: it's easy for couples to fall into bad relationship patterns.

Your man has his fair share of things he says and does that drive you away too, but you have the power to influence him to do better.  Follow this advice and pretty soon, you and your man will be that "perfect couple" that everyone ELSE envies.

(Taken from original article written by Randall E. Bennett - a licensed counselor and relationship expert)  

P.S.  Avoiding those poisonous "tart" words is probably the single most important piece of advice.

There are actually a total of 13 healthy relationship skills that Randall has identified over 25 years of practice that women who seem to "have it all" use to get their husbands to treat them the way they want.  

He receives questions all of the time, and he has put together a short video that explains several more of these - ones you can put to use right away.

CHECK IT OUT HERE

These skills are not manipulation, artificial, or trickery; they are healthy ways these women interact with their men to create an atmosphere of love, acceptance, and security.

I encourage you to watch this video right now and try out a few of the things that you'll discover - you'll be surprised by how quickly they work.