How To Tell If You Are in A Toxic Relationship

Its easy to identify if you are in a toxic relationship.  Often times you are blinded by the symptoms.   In some cases you may feel that its normal, especially if you experienced toxic relationships while growing up.  Often if a person has low esteem or suffer from depression, they will feel as if you can't do any better.   No one deserves to be in a toxic relationship.

Its important to look deep within yourself first.   

Here are some signs of a toxic relationship.

• You have had to make ALL the adjustments in order to please them.
• Your partner tells you that they love you, but his/her actions are contrary in their actions.

• Your partner shows up or is constantly checking on you.   Dictating what you should wear and where you can go.   They are controlling and you have no say so.
• Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.  Often times there are limitations on how much you can interact with friends and family members
• Your partner puts you down (verbally) or embarrasses you in front of others.

Being around a toxic individually can cause you to feel ill.   Their energy is very draining and it is unknown why anyone would want to be around a toxic person.

Toxic relationships have a cycle.   First the honeymoon stage, followed by a blow up.  Lastly, followed by a make-up or reconciliation period.  The cycle eventually restarts after the reconciliation period.   

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage.  It is not until they’ve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship.  At that point, it is difficult to get out.

As pointed out earlier, one reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes.  As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they’re doing it.  And, they may not know any better.  Others believe they do not deserve happiness.  Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people, but the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. 

Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself.  In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault.  Once you buy into this,  it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.  For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships. 

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships.  Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.  But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged.  Sometimes it takes a little space.  Other times, it takes counseling.  But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you’re willing to walk away.  If you aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you. 

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection.  Don’t nag the other person.  Simply say “I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”

If you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you’re prepared to walk.

A healthy relationship is a two way street.  In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way.  You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.