Although you and your
partner have taken the first steps to “Making Up” it is very important not to
move prematurely. It is imperative not
to let your emotions take over before logic when getting your ex back. Moving
too quickly can prove to be more detrimental than being apart.
For example:
Tom and Cindy have
agreed to meet up in a public place and talk over a cup of coffee. Having a controlled environment will keep
the conversation casual and hopefully to the point. Will also assist in not getting physical too soon.
Cindy is enjoying Tom’s company, but the meeting
seems to linger. Cindy has expressed that she is considering the chance of them getting back together, but instead of leaving
after 20 minutes or so, Tom starts to elaborate and seems to be too zealous. He is moving at a fast and steady place,
while Cindy is listening and slowly letting her emotions get the best of her. He continues
to express how he loves and misses her, but also gives the impression that he
needs her in a physical way.
Before you know it…
Cindy gives into her emotions and possibly guilt, which in turn leads to her
sleeping with her ex. Often times the
woman will give in thinking that this may be the answer to reconcile their
relationship. Unfortunately this is a temporary band-aid to
a wound that has not healed.
What should have
happened and how do you avoid premature reconciliation ???
- Keep the meeting brief. Insinuate that you are somewhat busy, but are happy to see them.
- Be direct, and have a plan of discussion before arriving. Speak from the heart, but don't linger on and on. This often will take the conversation in a different direction. Stay focused.
- Let your partner know that you care but need time with yourself in order to begin steps towards reconciling the relationship. Be patient and understanding even if they seem anxious.
- Acknowledge their feelings while keeping the conversation focused and advise that you should "take it slow and see how things go". Don't appear over zealous or pushy. It takes time to heal.
- Make plans to meet again…maybe at a park or a cool place where you both can unwind and just be friends again. After all …being your partners friend should always be the foundation of your relationship. **Special Note - Don't rush the next meeting. Allow some time for both of you to heal.**
- More than anything...SMILE. Let your partner see that light in your eyes. Let them feel that you are in a positive place. This will cause them to want to be in your space again.
Take your time and get to know your partner again. This can be rewarding and beneficial to both of you !
T.Dub gives more examples here on video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XofIY_Rg1aY
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