Ending a Relationship – How To Break Up When You Can’t Make-Up

It’s never easy to break up with someone you love, but it’s always best to end a relationship on a respectful level.   Waiting till anxieties and anger kicks in, can lead to horrible circumstances of events.   Fighting, temper tantrums, damaging property or verbal abuse can prove to be costly and often makes it difficult for any future communication.   It’s not worth it to lose your FRIEND in the midst of a break-up.

If your to-do List looks like this……

·               Do the laundry

·               Stop at the grocery store

·               Break up with my partner

Then chances are that the relationship has gone sour and someone has to make the first move to end it.  Unfortunately so many relationships go way past the expiration date.   Both parties seem to wait on the other to make the first move or just LEAVE.   In some cases one or both parties don’t want to be viewed as the person that “gave up”, “walked out” or didn’t fight for their relationship.   There may be outside pressures from family members and friends.

How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?

You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance.  The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason.  Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest.  That means that in your discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.

Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup.  In general, it is better to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.

Show compassion when ending the relationship.  If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion. 

Don’t put your partner on the defensive.  Talk about the things you’ve learned and the memories you will cherish that have come from your love.  Be present during the break up.  Your partner may become very emotional during this time.  You need to respond to their needs.

Don’t take anything personally when ending a relationship.  Your partner may say things they don’t really mean.  Let these words roll off of your back.

Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship.  Or, they may need space.  Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.  But don’t let them make you feel guilty.  You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex.  It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.

Should you ever consider reconnecting?  Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”

That is something you have to decide.  Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met.  If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple. However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.