7 Steps To How to Save A Relationship

Lets start by looking at a common scenario……..

Tommy has been working long hours and Beth dosen’t feel he is there for her.   Beth spends her time meeting the children’s needs and Tommy feels that she dosen’t have time for HIS needs ?   Can this relationship be saved ?  Here is how to save a relationship.....

        First, one must come to a conclusion of whether the relationship is worth saving.   While realistically, almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide whether they want to make it work.   If one partner has opted out and dosen’t want to work it out, there is little that can be done.

        So many people stay in relationships for various reasons.    Some stay for the convenience of marriage or because of the children.   Honestly….that simply isn’t enough.    How to save a relationship starts with 2 people committing to one another and being on the same page that the relationship is worth saving.

        Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship.  One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.  

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups.  In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem.  For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse.  While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship.  If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

Once you are able to identify the core issues….you can save the relationship.   As you begin to understand the core problems,  you can both begin to share your thoughts.  This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.  Hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you.   Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

        

        We all hate to do this…but at this crucial point in the relationship, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.   This isn’t the time to be insensitive or non-feeling.  Your partner really needs to see your heart at this point.    Eye contact and sincerity will go a long way.

        Once you have found the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them.  Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  If you don’t spend time together like you used.... plan a date night every week.  Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday.  If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  And, then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.   Be patient with your partner…

Is your relationship worth saving?  If so, I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.

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