7 Ways to Build Trust in a Relationship

Do you know these 7 concrete ways to build trust in a relationship?  Often, what really makes a relationship work are not the things we think of first.  For instance, do you think you always need to spice things up?  Wrong!  Predictability is the key and is more important than having variety in a relationship.  The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship.

First, as I mentioned in the opening paragraph, you need to be predictable.  This goes against the common notion that you need to “stir things up” to keep the romance alive.  Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work.  Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out.

Next, you need to make sure that your words always match the message.  If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner does not hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your partner needs to be able to trust what you are saying.  When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.

Third, you need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s competency.  If you don’t you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need.  When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive.  When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.

Don’t keep secrets.  Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship.  Be honest and open.  Assume everything you know will eventually come out.  Secrets require enormous energy on your part.  That is energy that could be going into building the relationship.

Fifth, don’t be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are.  Don’ t make him or her guess what you need.  Let them know.  It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not selfish.  Indeed, if you are reluctant to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your partner.

Sixth, learn to say no.  When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing.  But you don’t need to say yes to everything.  A partner cannot respect you if you never say no.  Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will actually builds trust in a relationship.

Finally, always pursue growth.  When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt.  Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain.  But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth.  Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions.  These become the fertilizer for growth and change.  Embrace what is difficult.

When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a little pain.  But, as you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your coupledom.

Action Steps To Fix My Relationship

When a couple falls in love, it can be a wonderful and beautiful thing.  However, once the couple starts down  that relationship road, there are steps that need to be taken to keep that flourishing relationship.

However, if the relationship is not taken care of or maintained, it may fall into disrepair.  If the relationship reaches this point, you may have to take steps to repair that relationship.

The question of concern may arise by either one of the individuals in the relationship.  That question may be how to fix my relationship?  Some of the practical steps that one can take in response to how to fix my relationship may include counseling and going back to basics.

Counseling

One of the key action steps that an individual or couple can take in order to address the question of how to fix my relationship is by seeking out a counselor.  Generally, a counselor is that individual who has the educational background that qualifies them as a certified counselor.  In addition, if the individual wishes to have religious counseling made available for them they can utilize a priest or a pastor to help with building or repairing the relationship.

In addition, when looking for a counselor to help with the question of how to fix my relationship, it is important to find an individual who is effective.  This effectiveness can be ascertained by getting recommendations from individuals or couples who have benefited from the counseling experience.

The counseling experience in itself is an opportunity for the individual or couple to meet with a counselor with the purpose of sharing what the individual or couple is feeling and experiencing.  Often a good counselor will listen to both sides of the story and provide that third-party perspective that really does not take sides one way or the other.

In addition, a counselor will help to mediate any difficulties that the relationship is experiencing.  For example if either one of the individuals within the relationship have a complaint about the other individual who is not listening, it may be opportunity to do some role-playing or help the other person to hear what is being identified as a major concern.

Going Back To Basics

Additionally, there are other important steps that an individual can take in order to answer the question of how to fix my relationship.  One of those action steps that can be taken is by returning to the beginnings of the partnership.  Specifically, some of those early beginnings can be identified by looking at what actually attracted one individual to the other or what did the other individual do that was so meaningful and allowed the relationship to blossom.

For example, for the woman, maybe it was the man’s attention to being a gentleman or courteous.  An example of this was the way that he opened the door or held her hand or a romantic stroll in the park.  For the man perhaps it was the way that the woman listened attentively to what he was saying or making that special meal once a month, etc.

Whatever the situation....start with the basics.   Remember the reasons of why you fell in love in the first place.  Be attentive,  and simply try listening to your partner to start actions to fix your relationship.

VIEW SHORT INFORMATIVE VIDEO HERE

How To Write A Heart Broken Poem to Help You Heal

If you’ve ever been through a sad break-up with someone you’ve love, you may have written a heartbroken poem.  You may have even written such a poem for things like the loss of a pet or a family member, sadness at moving away from your friends, or any number of sad life events.  But it seems nothing inspires such sad poetry as a break-up or divorce.  Just as few things inspire love poetry quite like being in a happy, loving relationship.

Poetry is an excellent medium for self-expression. Unless you’re writing poetry with the hope of having it published one day, you can write poetry however you like.  It doesn’t have to be good poetry.  You don’t have to understand any of the poetic terms or conventions like rhyme, meter or free verse.  You don’t even have to have ever read a really good poem in your life to write a heartbroken poem that can help you feel better and maybe help you heal from the pain of a break-up.

An important early step in getting over a break-up or any sad situation is simply facing the pain.  While it might feel better to avoid dealing with the reality of the situation, you can’t really move past it without facing it and feeling the pain, at least for a while.  So facing up to whatever painful situation is happening is necessary.  A heartbroken poem can help you deal with those painful feelings when you’ve split with someone you love.

Don’t worry about whether it’s good or not.  No one else ever has to read your heartbroken poem.  It’s for you and you alone.  Just write down your feelings, as hard as that may be.  You can write in plain language.  Don’t try to imitate the poets of the 17th and 18th century.  Write like you talk, and break the lines where it feels natural to you.  In fact, you can start by writing one huge paragraph filled with all your feelings and everything you want to express, just to get it out.  Then you can go back and arrange your thoughts and feelings into a poem.

Once you’ve written a heartbroken poem, you might want to write more about different parts of the pain.  That’s good.  Get down everything you can, and that will help you to face the pain. Writing the poetry will probably be a very emotional time for you.  Don’t try to stop it.  Just let the pain out and you’ll be better able to move on.

If you decide you want to share your heartbroken poem, you can show family or friends.  Or if you want to share it but not with anyone you know, you can put it online.  There are websites designed just for such things.  You can upload your poetry for free and let other people know if you want to receive criticism or not.  You might opt to not receive comments on your heartbroken poem and just enjoy the fact that you’ve shared your experience.

I Lost Love – Every Relationship Has a Time Line

When I think about how I lost love, I think about Alfred Lord Tennyson’s quote, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  When you lose a love,  you feel as if the whole world has collapsed around you.  I’m speaking from my own personal experience. If you too have lost the love of your life, hopefully this article will help you in some way.

I think it is important to remember that every relationship has a natural lifespan.  In Junior High, that’s about four days.  As we get older, the lifespan increases.  But, there are certain relationships that are right for a period of time and then go awry.  Most of us will only have one great love in our lives.  The other relationships will terminate.  That’s why when I say I lost love, I understand that this is a natural process.

In my case, we grew apart.   Although we tried to identify the problems through counseling and genuinely talking things through, it seemed as if too much damage was already done.  The hurt seemed to penetrate deeper than we wanted to acknowledge.  It seemed as if TIME had ran its course.

I personally think we waited too long to express what we were feeling.   I was working 2 jobs, trying to be a good mother and a good wife.  We were both involved in church, and were constantly involved in activities that basically took up additional time.  We barely had time for one another.  When there was a little down time, I was exhausted and just wanted to rest.   He on the other hand started to feel neglected which later led to other things.   I felt less attractive and had NO time for pampering or the feeling of being a beautiful woman.   Strangely enough, neither of us ever complained, but somehow felt as if it was our DUTY to stay engaged.   What we didn't realize is that we were growing further apart.   Doing all the right things, but not doing the RIGHT THINGS for US.

You must identify problems quickly.   After the problems are identified, you must work together and get to the Core of the problems.   If too much time passes, you will find yourself drifting form the love of your life.   Most of the time its not intentional.

Although I have dated and been in other relationships, it seems as if I have lost my Soul Mate forever.

I went through a period of mourning the relationship and analyzing what went wrong.  I really was hurt when we finally decided to end things.  We both felt hurt, but thought it was best.   We parted in peace and I have always wished him well.

Every relationship has to grow or die.  If the relationship causes more hurt between the two of you, sometimes its best to part in a positive way.   I KNOW that there are relationships that can be saved....but this is how I lost love.   Don't lose your love.  I promise you....its not worth it.

Watch T.Dubs video HERE.   He is sincere, honest and truly cares about couples.   I so wish that I had met him during my years of marriage.   Wishing you much LOVE and GROWTH.

Can I Save My Marriage...Its up To YOU

It is depressing to see many marriages that are in turmoil, and it is especially disconcerting to see them end up as messy divorces, so you may ask how can I save my marriage? Filing for divorce is not the solution for when a marriage has hit its pushing limits. There are a number of solutions that require that both partners to be fully committed in saving the relationship that they have. The first step is counseling, which enables the couple to have a mediator in dealing with their issues.

In addition to professional services, there are a number of different things that can be done to save a marriage, it is not a complicated process and does not require much outside of both parties working towards the common goal. Below are four things that you can take to heart and utilize to "save my marriage" and improve the odds of successfully avoiding divorce.

First, know that the perfect marriage is a myth. Whenever two people are brought together, there will be problems, including the few that can grow into deal breakers in your marriage. This is a natural result of bringing two people together. Even perfect twins differ in likes and dislikes. For the marriage to succeed, the couple must learn to deal with the rough patches and overcome their problems. Seeking perfection will only destroy everything. People make mistakes, work with your partner and overcome the problems you face, and you'll realize it is possible to "save my marriage."

Second, good communication is vital, for when the communication is insufficient; the marriage is doomed to face problems. The most vital thing is to be honest with your partner. Just about every issue and problem can be solved if communication is maintained. The third tip is to accept compromise. Many have made this an art, with good reason. The middle ground that will enable a conclusion to the conflict has to mesh with both parties and their interests before it can "save my marriage." Marriage on a whole is about compromise and knowing that there are times when your spouse will have to give and times when you have to give in order to "save my marriage."

Really, a marriage is about commitment, the fourth tip. Like a car, if it breaks down, you don't abandon the car on the side of the road. The only time you do get rid of the car is when there is no hope. Saving your marriage involves the same level of commitment and working towards making things work, if you ever have a chance to "save my marriage."

Sometimes, the damage to the marriage totals it, and no matter what you do, nothing can change it. Some issues cannot be solved, counseling cannot help. It is in these cases that divorce makes sense. Out side of these cases, divorce is not the answer. Instead, you should work with your partner to solve the issues that plague your marriage, and hopefully you will be able to say that you can "save my marriage."

Get Your Guy Back - The Gals Guide to Making Up

How do you get guy back?  How do you convince him that what the two of you had together was special?  This is your “get guy back” gal’s guide to making up.

First of all, you have to recognize that whatever happened, you were both at fault.  If you cheated, he wasn’t giving you what you needed so you looked elsewhere.  If he cheated, you were the one not giving what he needed.  Yes, the cheater is morally responsible for the cheating.  The moral responsibility does not lie with the person who was cheated upon.  But the fault lies in both party’s laps.  You both contributed to

Given that, it is important to forgive and forget.  True forgiveness means that you let go of all of the anger related to the incident.  You never bring it up again.  You never let it cloud your relationship.  If you cannot do this, you won’t get guy back for any period of time.

If you were the person at fault, apologize – and mean it.  Too many times, after people say “I’m sorry,” there’s an “Oops I did it again,” moment.  You’re not Britney Spears.  It’s not cute.  When you say you are sorry, you have to commit to changing.  Otherwise, you don’t mean it and you won’t get guy back.

Be prepared to chase him a little bit.  This doesn’t mean sending him hundreds of text messages or stalking him, but you have got to show him that you are still interested if you want to get guy back.  You can’t expect him to come running back just because you have sent out some modest signals that you are ready to re-start the relationship.  Put your ego in check and put your heart on the line.

You may have to settle for something less than you wanted.  It may be that he is only ready to be friends when you want a full fledged boyfriend.  It may take time to rebuild the trust.  If this is the case, you need to give him the space he needs to get to know you again.  Accept that you have to take what he is offering right now if you want to eventually get guy back.

Finally, you have to know when to give up on the get guy back strategy.  Sometimes, you just have to move on.  If your boyfriend is unable to forgive you, you are in a position where the best thing you can do is move on and enter into new relationships.  While this will break your heart right now, it may be the best thing that could have happened to you.  Whatever went wrong in this relationship, your soul mate is still out there.  Getting your guy back may stop you from meeting him!

What To Do When Avoiding a Break Up

We all know how painful a love break up can be.  If you thought back after the relationship ended, you probably saw all the signs that you didn’t recognize before. Remembering those very signs can help you prevent a break up in the future.  They can also help you get back together after a split.

One sure sign of impending love break up is the lack of physical contact. This doesn’t just mean sex.  If your partner suddenly stops having an interest in sex, that’s a good sign that a break up is coming.  But the normal flow and rhythm of a relationship has times when there’s lots of sex and times when there’s not much. This is natural.

A love break up is probably on the horizon though, if your partner stops holding your hand for no apparent reason.  Or he or she stops putting an arm over your shoulder at the movies or in public when he or she always did it before. Any sudden changes like not touching you much outside the bedroom when your partner was always very affectionate before could signal problems.

If your partner is actually becoming uncomfortable with your touch, then you definitely need to have a conversation with your partner about what’s going on.  Don’t just assume that because your partner flinched away from your touch that there’s about to be a love break up, though.  Many things can cause a person to not want to be touched at any given moment.

He or she might think that your touch signals that it’s time to have sex, if you’re not very affectionate except when you want to be intimate.  And maybe your partner isn’t in the mood for sex now and chose to show you that by moving away from your touch.  That doesn’t mean you’re headed for a love break up.

Your partner might simply not feel good. Every change in a person’s behavior doesn’t signal an impending love break up or even anything wrong with the relationship.  You have to watch them closely for a while to determine if some behavior is an occasional thing, something brought on only during certain times, or if it’s a permanent part of the person’s make up.

Catching your partner in lies, even what seem like small and harmless ones, could be a sign of problems, too. After all, if a lie is small and harmless, why tell it in the first place?  Where there’s one tiny lie, larger and more damaging lies can grow. Don’t become convinced it’s a love break up right away though. People lie about many things that aren’t bad, like surprise parties and reunions.  Your partner might be trying to keep a harmless and fun secret like that, instead of scheming about a love break up.

Communication is always the best way to find out what your partner is feeling.   Be watchful of your partner's  patterns.  Don't act suspicious, but try to keep the door of conversation open.  Perhaps your partner hasn't been happy for a while.    Ask if everything is okay.   Tell them that you feel that you are growing apart.  Try to find the root to the problems and work on a way to resolve them.  Honesty and sincere sharing of one another's feelings may be the key to avoiding a break up.

T. Dub has information concerning this topic HERE.

Advice on Relationships - How To Keep a Woman Happy

Do you know how to keep a woman happy?  Here is some advice on relationships for men.

The first advice on relationships item I have for you is to always be yourself.  Many men don’t feel that they are good enough to catch a beautiful, sexy woman, so they put on a show.  But a confident man is the sexiest beast around.  Have you ever noticed that some of the ugliest guys have some of the prettiest women?  That is because they display a level of confidence that is more attractive to women than physical looks.

Next, you should do the little things.  This means offering to take her car in for an oil change or giving her a bag of Jelly Bellies (her favorite flavors) from time to time.  Sometimes men think in terms of “grand gestures,” when it is the little things add up to long relationships.

This ties into the next piece of advice on relationships: appreciate her.  You shouldn’t take her for granted.  Let her know that you value her.

Next up is not obviously looking at other women when you are with her.  Women think that you are comparing her to the woman you’re looking at.  They don’t understand the whole concept of “the day I stop looking is the day I die.”  This comes from the biological drive for monogamy in women.  Women are looking for a lifetime partner for a man with whom they can raise children.  They can’t help it.  That’s how evolution designed them.  So minimize the ogling, especially when she’s around.

You should try to make her laugh.  While men list good looks at the top of the things they need in a woman, women list a man’s sense of humor.  So, if you want the relationship to last, keep her laughing.

The next bit of advice on relationships comes in seeking common interests.  It’s great if you got together because of a hobby or an interest, but it still helps when you take an interest in a long standing passion of hers.  If this means developing an appreciation for foreign films, so be it.  This shows that you care about her and she’ll know you are one in a million.

Once you get the girl, it may seem like you don’t have to try anymore – at least as far as grooming goes.  And, while women are less sensitive to looks than men are, they still like a man who makes an attempt.  So, shave on weekends.  Keep in touch with the latest fashion trends for men.  In short, don’t get sloppy just because you’ve landed her.  You can unland her just as easily.

She’s going to need to know that she can integrate you into her circle of family and friends.  A man must be part of her larger life, especially after the first few weeks of passion are over.  So, make an effort to get along with her girlfriends and impress her parents.  A woman relies on her social network to validate her relationship choices.  Make an effort.

You should always be considerate of her feelings.  Women are less stable than guys.  Part of this is hormonal.  When you are sensitive to her mood, you won’t get on her bad side.

The final piece of advice on relationships is to be open to trying new things.  At the beginning of a relationship, everything is new from the types of dates you arrange to the way you kiss.  But, after a while, these things become routine.  If you find that your relationship has fallen into a rut, shake things up.  Try something new.  It will go a long way to keeping your relationship healthy.

So, there are ten bits of advice on relationships to keep your dating life strong. Look you guys, these things are common sense and the fact is I almost drove my sweetheart out of my life because I didn't pay attention to what I was doing. There is a book that woke me up written by T 'Dub' Jackson called "The Magic Of Making Up". After I read it and began applying his common sense suggestions, our love life turned around. Not only that all of my personal relationships, with friends, co-workers and my family have become much smother than they were before.

You might want to check out "The Magic of Making Up" yourself.

Get Guy Back After Break-Up

You may experience a very difficult time after a man breaks up with you..  You may feel very despondent and not feel or act like yourself.at this point. Your life may seem like it has lost its meaning without  him being in it.  Maybe you want to get the guy back.

Getting back with someone who broke up with you can be a very difficult  task. For whatever reason, the other person decided that they no longer wanted to try and work things out.  They just wanted it to end.  It's usually easier to work out a relationship while you're still in it; as opposed to when it has ended.

With that being said, you can get guy back if he broke up with you.  The most critical aspect to this is you are absolutely positive that getting back with him is exactly what you want.  Be sure to check your motives and ensure that they are for right reasons.  Don't want him back just to have him back.  You most have good reasons why you want him back.

The second most critical aspect to get guy back is to realize that sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  Some people can make up and move on.  Others, they just can't recapture the magic of the relationship they once shared.  Even if you don't succeed you will know you did your best to get guy back.

If you want to get guy back, you must, and there is no room for negotiation on this, get your emotions in check.  Guys do not want to be with women who can't keep their emotions under control.  If you attempt to contact him while you don't have control of your emotions you may do even more damage.  For example, if he was starting to miss you and think about you, but you contact him and you're an emotional mess, you may make him realize that his choice to break up with you was valid.

The best thing you can do is instead of worrying about what he's doing, or feel sad that you don't have him, is to start living your own life.  You must prove to him that you can be mature about this breakup.  Keep up with your daily routines.  Do your hair nice, wear makeup, wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself.  Hang out with your friends.  Meet someone online or go on a casual date.  Just find a way to boost your confidence while interacting with others.

If you're staying active and living your life without bothering him, you will have a better chance to get him back.  If you stay out of contact with him, no calls, no email, no text messages, nothing, you'll probably find that he will eventually call you, or get in touch with you.

When he does, just keep it brief.  Tell him how busy you've been.  Don't get mushy or gush out feelings for him.  Act indifferent and aloof.  This will confuse him.  If he wants to see you again, make sure you look your best.  Don't let him touch you or kiss you.  Before you leave, if you want, give him a hug but that's it.  This will drive him crazy.  From this point, you should be able to get guy back pretty easily.  Just take it slow.

As you can see, you can get guy back, you just have to get your emotions under control.  Life your life to the fullest.  Always look your best, because that will help you to feel your best.  Back off, give him space.  He'll most likely contact you and want to see you again.  When he does, be a little bit of a tease.  Make him work for your affections again.

You may want to check out this information below as you grow and heal.  

 CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS

Premature Reconcilation

Although you and your partner have taken the first steps to “Making Up”  it is very important not to move prematurely.    It is imperative not to let your emotions take over before logic when getting your ex back.  Moving too quickly can prove to be more detrimental than being apart.

For example:

Tom and Cindy have agreed to meet up in a public place and talk over a cup of coffee.    Having a controlled environment will keep the conversation casual and hopefully to the point.  Will also assist in not getting physical too soon. 

Cindy is enjoying Tom’s company, but the meeting seems to linger.  Cindy has expressed that she is considering the chance of them getting back together, but instead of leaving after 20 minutes or so, Tom starts to elaborate and seems to be too zealous.  He is moving at a fast and steady place, while Cindy is listening and slowly letting her emotions get the best of her.   He continues to express how he loves and misses her, but also gives the impression that he needs her in a physical way. 

Before you know it… Cindy gives into her emotions and possibly guilt, which in turn leads to her sleeping with her ex.   Often times the woman will give in thinking that this may be the answer to reconcile their relationship.   Unfortunately this is a temporary band-aid to a wound that has not healed.  

What should have happened and how do you avoid premature reconciliation ???

• Keep the meeting brief.   Insinuate that you are somewhat busy, but are happy to see them.  
• Be direct, and have a plan of discussion before arriving.    Speak from the heart, but don't linger on   and on.  This often will take the conversation in a different direction.   Stay focused.
•  Let your partner know that you care but need time with yourself in order to begin steps towards reconciling the relationship.  Be patient and understanding even if they seem anxious.  
• Acknowledge their feelings while keeping the conversation focused and advise that you should "take it slow and see how things go".  Don't appear over zealous or pushy.  It takes time to heal.
• Make plans to meet again…maybe at a park or a cool place where you both can unwind and just be friends again.   After all …being your partners friend should always be the foundation of your relationship.   **Special Note - Don't rush the next meeting.  Allow some time for both of you to heal.**
• More than anything...SMILE.   Let your partner see that light in your eyes.  Let them feel that you are in a positive place.   This will cause them to want to be in your  space again.

       Take your time and get to know your partner again.  This can be rewarding and beneficial to both of you !

       T.Dub gives more examples here on video:    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XofIY_Rg1aY

   The Magic of Making UP Course by T.Dub !!

How To Tell If You Are in A Toxic Relationship

Its easy to identify if you are in a toxic relationship.  Often times you are blinded by the symptoms.   In some cases you may feel that its normal, especially if you experienced toxic relationships while growing up.  Often if a person has low esteem or suffer from depression, they will feel as if you can't do any better.   No one deserves to be in a toxic relationship.

Its important to look deep within yourself first.   

Here are some signs of a toxic relationship.

• You have had to make ALL the adjustments in order to please them.
• Your partner tells you that they love you, but his/her actions are contrary in their actions.

• Your partner shows up or is constantly checking on you.   Dictating what you should wear and where you can go.   They are controlling and you have no say so.
• Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.  Often times there are limitations on how much you can interact with friends and family members
• Your partner puts you down (verbally) or embarrasses you in front of others.

Being around a toxic individually can cause you to feel ill.   Their energy is very draining and it is unknown why anyone would want to be around a toxic person.

Toxic relationships have a cycle.   First the honeymoon stage, followed by a blow up.  Lastly, followed by a make-up or reconciliation period.  The cycle eventually restarts after the reconciliation period.   

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage.  It is not until they’ve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship.  At that point, it is difficult to get out.

As pointed out earlier, one reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes.  As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they’re doing it.  And, they may not know any better.  Others believe they do not deserve happiness.  Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people, but the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. 

Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself.  In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault.  Once you buy into this,  it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.  For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships. 

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships.  Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.  But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged.  Sometimes it takes a little space.  Other times, it takes counseling.  But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you’re willing to walk away.  If you aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you. 

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection.  Don’t nag the other person.  Simply say “I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”

If you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you’re prepared to walk.

A healthy relationship is a two way street.  In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way.  You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.

How to Restore Trust in Your Relationship After An Affair

After you have exhausted all excuses…. It wasn’t me !  My spouse pushed me into someone else’s arms ! I was drunk.  I was hurt or depressed.  The person was there when I needed them.  I don’t know what happened.   I wasn’t  getting what I needed at home….and so many MORE reasons.   Are they valid reasons?

Actually...they are all symptoms to core issues that were never addressed.

How do you restore trust in your relationship after an affair ?  Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship.  But I disagree.  I believe that every relationship is savable if both parties really want to work on it.  This article is about restoring trust in relationships.

In order to restore trust,  both parties must adjust their attitudes and actions.  Although seemingly impossible it is possible to save a relationship after an affair.  

If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray.  There may be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased.  But you can heal the disease.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed?  Was the sex boring or non existing ?  Was she too busy for you?  Was she just not spending enough time on making herself attractive to you?

You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship was perfect.  So, what needs to be done to fix it?  Often that requires one to look at themselves.  But just as often, that lies in the couple’s relationship.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems.  Sometimes that means going into couples counseling. But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough.  The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.

The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things. One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them.  If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it.  And, do it consistently.  When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.

Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed.  This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time.  You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course.  It is not easy for her to forgive the breach.  If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her. 

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever.  In fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building.  Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to look at the incident from a different perspective.  Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature.  Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.

Understand that restoring trust in a relationship will take some time, but it is possible to rebuild and have a successful relationship with the one you love.

Relationship Advice For Men Looking to Find A Mate

What should men know if they want a relationship to work for the long haul?  What is the best relationship advice for men?

Probably the single biggest piece of relationship advice for men is to stop listening to what women say they want and start observing what women actually display that they want.

How do they display what they want?  It is as simple as observing what kind of men they choose.

Women say “I want a man who listens to me.”  They choose the man who dominates the conversation.  Women say, “I want a guy with a good sense of humor.”  They date the guy who has money.

Why do women say they want one thing but actually go out with a guy who is just the opposite?  The answer to that question lies in the subconscious motivators for getting together.  And, therein lies my relationship advice for men.

The historical, biological reason for men and women to get together is to propagate the species.  In other words, just because getting pregnant may be the last thing on her conscious mind, when she evaluates a man at the subconscious level, she’s still looking for a good papa for her children.

Is the good dad someone who listens to her?  No, it is someone who will provide for her children.  And, the person who can provide for her children is someone who has the confidence to bring home the bacon.

Women need men who can be good providers.  While a man can produce thousands of sperm on repeated occasions throughout their adult lives, even into their 90’s, women have about 400 chances of producing a baby.  As a result, they are looking for a man who can provide longevity and stability for their babies.

A man who tells a women he is a lawyer and not a paralegal will have a better chance of landing her.  That is because she perceives that a lawyer is a better provider for her future children. 

But having a good income is not enough.  A woman needs to perceive that a man is generous with his resources and will provide for her children.  That is why women place such a high value on gifts such as jewelry.

It may also be why the engagement ring must be such a large purchase.  When you ask a woman to marry you, you give her a ring, not just because it is traditional and romantic, but because it is a tangible display that you can provide for her and her children.

Further, even though modern humans make money more from their brains than their brawn, women are still programmed to think of strength equaling the ability to provide.  That’s why, even when there is evidence to the contrary in the form of a tax return, the woman is hardwired to choose the lineman over the computer geek.

So, the biggest piece of relationship advice for men is to figure out what women need from an evolutionary point of view and give it to her.  

More Info From T DUB Jackson....  HERE !

Ending a Relationship – How To Break Up When You Can’t Make-Up

It’s never easy to break up with someone you love, but it’s always best to end a relationship on a respectful level.   Waiting till anxieties and anger kicks in, can lead to horrible circumstances of events.   Fighting, temper tantrums, damaging property or verbal abuse can prove to be costly and often makes it difficult for any future communication.   It’s not worth it to lose your FRIEND in the midst of a break-up.

If your to-do List looks like this……

·               Do the laundry

·               Stop at the grocery store

·               Break up with my partner

Then chances are that the relationship has gone sour and someone has to make the first move to end it.  Unfortunately so many relationships go way past the expiration date.   Both parties seem to wait on the other to make the first move or just LEAVE.   In some cases one or both parties don’t want to be viewed as the person that “gave up”, “walked out” or didn’t fight for their relationship.   There may be outside pressures from family members and friends.

How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?

You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance.  The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason.  Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest.  That means that in your discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.

Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup.  In general, it is better to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.

Show compassion when ending the relationship.  If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion. 

Don’t put your partner on the defensive.  Talk about the things you’ve learned and the memories you will cherish that have come from your love.  Be present during the break up.  Your partner may become very emotional during this time.  You need to respond to their needs.

Don’t take anything personally when ending a relationship.  Your partner may say things they don’t really mean.  Let these words roll off of your back.

Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship.  Or, they may need space.  Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.  But don’t let them make you feel guilty.  You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex.  It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.

Should you ever consider reconnecting?  Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”

That is something you have to decide.  Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met.  If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple. However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.

7 Steps To How to Save A Relationship

Lets start by looking at a common scenario……..

Tommy has been working long hours and Beth dosen’t feel he is there for her.   Beth spends her time meeting the children’s needs and Tommy feels that she dosen’t have time for HIS needs ?   Can this relationship be saved ?  Here is how to save a relationship.....

        First, one must come to a conclusion of whether the relationship is worth saving.   While realistically, almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide whether they want to make it work.   If one partner has opted out and dosen’t want to work it out, there is little that can be done.

        So many people stay in relationships for various reasons.    Some stay for the convenience of marriage or because of the children.   Honestly….that simply isn’t enough.    How to save a relationship starts with 2 people committing to one another and being on the same page that the relationship is worth saving.

        Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship.  One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.  

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups.  In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem.  For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse.  While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship.  If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

Once you are able to identify the core issues….you can save the relationship.   As you begin to understand the core problems,  you can both begin to share your thoughts.  This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.  Hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you.   Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

        

        We all hate to do this…but at this crucial point in the relationship, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.   This isn’t the time to be insensitive or non-feeling.  Your partner really needs to see your heart at this point.    Eye contact and sincerity will go a long way.

        Once you have found the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them.  Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  If you don’t spend time together like you used.... plan a date night every week.  Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday.  If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  And, then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.   Be patient with your partner…

Is your relationship worth saving?  If so, I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.

      HERE is MORE great information on "How To Melt Your Man's Heart" 

How To UnLock Your Man's Heart

Have you ever seen that couple that seems to be perfect for one another and always exhibiting a love that seems like a fairytale.   You see love in their eyes and they seem as if they are  lost in each others love.

They actually talk to one another.  They interact by touching and they appear to be the only couple in existence as they share one another’s space.

I would guess  that All of us at some point have thought….. “Why can’t I have that ?

Have you tried to mimic some of the things you see,  only to have your feelings hurt.  Have you been totally ignored or had your loving gestures thrown back in your face ??

If you find yourself  in this position I will go out on a limb and say that there is probably 1 thing you haven’t  done in your relationship.

I will tell you that once you start doing this…you’ll open the gates of passion,  as well as establishing a deep fulfilling relationship with your man.   Best of ALL…..a lasting relationship !!

Let me show you how...  ….How to Make Your Relationship the Envy of Your Friends...

There's no doubt that relationships can be complicated beasts...but that doesn't mean they can't be GREAT...you just have to follow the formula for success.   It's the SAME formula that those "perfect couples" you envy follow.

Here it is:

* Step 1:  Learn what DESTRUCTIVE ingredients tear a relationship apart.

* Step 2:  Look at what CONSTRUCTIVE ingredients make a relationship great.

* Step 3:  Eliminate the destructive ingredients one by one.

* Step 4:  Add the constructive ingredients one by one.

* Step 5:  Rinse and repeat this process as your circumstances change.

The result?

A relationship that's truly fulfilling with a man who showers you with attention, love, respect, and caring...all without you having to twist his arm! 

It sounds simple...and it is, in theory, but the devil is in the details of how exactly this all gets done.

The WORST Destructive Ingredient to Eliminate Immediately... Let's first take a look at getting rid of what I've found is THE single worst destructive ingredient - and that's contempt.  What do I mean by "contempt"?  Let me give you an example.

Okay, so you and your man have gotten into an argument.  Are you simply disagreeing or are you yelling and screaming at each other?  Is it getting personal? Do you feel you are on the attack and he is on the defensive or vice versa? Has anybody been brought to tears?  Arguments are okay, but when it starts to get personal, when you start attacking each other, putting each other down, showing contempt for each other, that's when a vicious cycle ensues.

With every action, there is a reaction. That's stepping over into a law of physics, but it applies here: if you say something in a certain tone of voice, you may get a response from your man that "matches" your tone of voice. If you show contempt, he'll show contempt, and then you'll get into a destructive game of trying to one-up each other for the worst put down and then all bets are off.  This is a damaging cycle that you want to avoid at ALL costs.

Your first step is to immediately stop the contempt and personal attacks - this can be hard sometimes, especially if he's personally attacking you, but it's where this whole process HAS to start.

Instead of responding with an equivalent personal attack, what exactly ARE you supposed to do?

Well, glad you asked!  Add This Ingredient to Open Up Your Man's Heart...

You've probably heard the old saying, "You catch more bees with honey."  It means that there are two ways of saying something: one is sweet like honey; the other is tart like vinegar.

For example, if you're arguing and he says, "You know, you're really clingy," stop yourself from reacting defensively and trying to come up with your own zinger to "one-up" him.  If you want to melt his heart, that's not the road to success.

Instead, go for the honey-sweet approach: take a deep breath, count to five... and then calmly say, "If you feel you need more space, then let's discuss that."  You just threw him for a loop-but in a good way, because you're offering to consider his needs.  You just took the heat out of his fire, and instead showed him you care.  That will remind him that you're the dream girl he first fell in love with - warm, caring and loving.

You can't necessarily directly control what your man says or how he reacts, but you DO have control over what YOU say and do.  And this ultimately indirectly influences how your man reacts and whether this is just a bump in the road or if it's going to turn into an unmitigated relationship disaster.

Do THIS to Enjoy a Honeymoon Forever...

To have a successful relationship, one that draws your man to you like a bee to honey, avoid those destructive relationship ingredients - such as tart words - and substitute them with a little honey.

The more you do this, the more likely your relationship will be successful - and the envy of your friends.

I want you to think over what destructive habits you may have right now that could inadvertently be tearing your relationship apart and driving your man away.  Then think about how you can respond instead with honey - it'll be tough at first because your initial reaction will be an emotional one, but over time, after practice, it'll become second nature.  It's not your fault: it's easy for couples to fall into bad relationship patterns.

Your man has his fair share of things he says and does that drive you away too, but you have the power to influence him to do better.  Follow this advice and pretty soon, you and your man will be that "perfect couple" that everyone ELSE envies.

(Taken from original article written by Randall E. Bennett - a licensed counselor and relationship expert)  

P.S.  Avoiding those poisonous "tart" words is probably the single most important piece of advice.

There are actually a total of 13 healthy relationship skills that Randall has identified over 25 years of practice that women who seem to "have it all" use to get their husbands to treat them the way they want.  

He receives questions all of the time, and he has put together a short video that explains several more of these - ones you can put to use right away.

CHECK IT OUT HERE

These skills are not manipulation, artificial, or trickery; they are healthy ways these women interact with their men to create an atmosphere of love, acceptance, and security.

I encourage you to watch this video right now and try out a few of the things that you'll discover - you'll be surprised by how quickly they work.

What Should I Do to Get My Ex Back

There is nothing like feeling empty inside due to the loss of someone you Truly love.   There are so many emotions associated with the trauma of breaking up.   You may feel depressed, hurt, mad, or even worthless when you miss someone you love.  “What should I do to get my ex back ?” is probably a question that comes up frequently.

Start by getting rid of any irrational thoughts.   Get rid of the negativity.   Common courtesy and common sense can be the first positive steps in healing your relationship.   There are many books, blogs, forums and counseling sites that may be available to readily answer your questions, but it all starts with YOU.

If you’re preoccupied with your lost relationship, wondering “what should I do to get my ex back?” then follow this simple advice.  You’ll give yourself the best chance of getting back together with that special someone. 

Don’t play games.  This is very important, but unfortunately many people resort to this during breakups because it gives them a sense of power.  If you can make the other person think that you don’t care, or you care more than you really do, you’re manipulating them and that can feel great.  But it won’t feel great for long.

Eventually you’ll realize that lying and tricking the other person isn’t a good feeling. And anything good that happens because of it will always be sullied a little because of the lie.

Some people use the old ploy of making their ex jealous by pretending to be in love or dating someone else.  This may or may not get their attention and unfortunately can end up backfiring    Those types  of games can cause your ex to feel  resentment or feel as if you never truly loved them.

If you pretend to move on so quickly, what does it say about the love you shared with your ex ?   You have no way of knowing which way this ploy will work until it’s too late.

Don’t be mean. This holds true in any situation or any relationship, but sometimes the anger around a breakup makes us act more viciously than we normally might.  Even if you’re hurt, the fact that you want to know, ‘What should I do to get my ex back?” shows that you’re ready to forgive that person.  If you couldn’t, you wouldn’t want your ex back, you’d be glad it was over.

Now, think about how you’ve been acting.  If you were your ex, would you look forward to spending time with you or talking to you?  Or would you dread each time?  Do you shout and nag? Even if you feel like raising all kinds of arguments, simply don’t. Work very hard at controlling your anger and hurt, and being a person they can miss.

Conduct yourself in a loving and courteous way.  Remind your ex of why they fell for you in the first place.    Find something constructive to do ….work out….. find a hobby….. find something FUN to do.  As you do something positive and enlightening, you will start to heal and have a different perspective of how you see things.

These are just the beginning steps in winning your Ex back. They are the initial steps I followed when I lost the love of my life. And frankly these aren't my original ideas. I listened  to T 'Dub' Jackson when I had no idea of how to get my true love back.

T 'Dub' authored a simple, down to earth step by step plan called "The Magic Of Making Up". And you know,  I  learned so much in the process.   It candid and honest advice simply WORKS.   You can view his video HERE. 

How Can I Get Back Together With My Ex Girlfriend

Sometimes when a relationship comes to an abrupt end, either one or both parties involved may still be in doubt that the end is really the end, and this is especially true when a relationship is new. Some men simply cannot accept the fact that their girlfriend walked away. Therefore, they find themselves still hoping she'll still be there in the morning and that it was all a dream. Are you asking "How can I get back together with my ex girlfriend", it is important that you create a plan regarding how to do it.

In order to get back together with your ex girlfriend, there are numerous steps to take. Here are some of the tips that you should keep in mind when working through this process.

- There is always a second chance for everyone, so it's not impossible for you to get back together with your ex girlfriend. But first, you should ask yourself some questions Do you still love her? Do you really want her back? Why? Are you trying to get her back because you don't want to be alone, or you don't believe you should have been dumped? If you are looking to get back with your ex for reasons other than love, you may be playing a dangerous game that would be better off avoided.

- Do not appear desperate or needy to your girlfriend if your priority is "how can I get back together with my ex girlfriend?" Although you may feel desperate, and you may really want her back, you absolutely need to control your emotions, keeping them to yourself. If you cannot help them, then it may be wise to talk to your friends or family so you can cry your heart out where she cannot see. Do not beg or cry in front of your girlfriend, however, and absolutely do not stalk her.

- Learn how to control your feelings, forgetting about self pity and instead working on the positive aspects of working things through with your ex. If you appear too needy, or if you come off as too desperate, she may end up avoiding you even more.

- Keep the communication lines with your ex open. She may have ended the relationship, but you just need to make her feel like communication lines are open and that you want to be civil. You do not have to be the one initiating the conversation, but you should be willing to say hello and have a conversation occasionally with her, keeping in touch casually.

- Above all else, analyze what went awry with the relationship. There must have been a problem that led to the end of the relationship, so find out what the problem was if you want to get back together with your ex. Find out what caused the arguments, of which of her needs weren't being met, and work on rectifying those issues.

Get MORE info:   www.MustGetMyExBack.com

5 Ways to Get Back At Your Ex

Let’s face…..Break ups happen.  They are nerve wracking, stressful, frustrating and hurtful.   You may be involved in a relationship that is breaking up and you may be thinking that you want to Get Back at Your Ex, but is this the wise thing to do  ??   If you try to get back at your ex, it will not only put your ex in an interesting predicament, but may also repair the relationship by showing your ex how important you are and were to them.   Consequently these are not just 5 tips to get back at your ex, but they are also great methods for getting your ex back as well.  Remember…relationships are fragile bonds.  They need to be built up and maintained in order to keep them healthy and constantly flourishing.

1 - Be Strong. No one likes to be around someone needy.  This applies very well when it comes to broken up relationships. You need to stop being clingy, begging or exhibiting the behavior of someone who is feeling desperate. Let your ex think that you have moved on just fine without them by acting strong and moving on. When you've moved on, your ex will realize that they have not moved on.

2 - Minimize communication. Closing the doors of communication may appear counterintuitive when your primary focus is to rekindle things, but it is one of the most important steps when getting back at your ex or getting your ex back. Take a break from your ex, close off communication, and let him or her stew for a little while without any contact. This will allow your ex to clear his or her mind and realize how valuable your relationship was.

3 - Be flexible. Do not be forceful with your ex, demanding that they move out, or pick their things up by a certain date. Be flexible, be a listener and a sympathizer. Your ex will be surprised when they see this side of you, and it may inspire them to build the lines of communication that were lacking when the breakup came into play.

4 - Get Out The House ! This is no time for you to be alone. Call your friends and get out ...do something FUN. Develop a social network and enjoy some entertainment in your life. This may not mean you need to date, or even pay attention to the opposite sex, but you do need to be getting out and enjoying your time with your friends. Not only will this be therapeutic for you, but it will also help convince your ex that they lost a gem.

5 - Be Yourself . There was a really good reason for why you and your ex had a relationship to begin with, so go back to being yourself and let your ex remember why they loved you in the first place. This renewed self perception of your own self will surely rub off on your ex as well.

Stop by our site  MustGetMyExBack.com

How To Tell If My Ex Wants To Get Back With Me

If your ex is showing you a little bit of interest, or seems more interested in going out and spending time with you than before, or if you notice signs that your ex is trying to flirt with you, then it's okay to be a little hopeful but you need to avoid jumping the gun. Are you asking yourself "does my ex want to get back with me"?

These are surely very common signs that your ex is interested in getting you back. But hold on......Although you may want to get back with your ex, you should NOT jump into things.  Just play hard to get  (in moderation of course), which is probably what your ex will best respond to anyway. If you simply jump into things full force, then you may find your ex pushing you back again. In fact, if your ex is giving indications that he or she wants you back, then the odds are, it was you playing hard to get that led to the renewed interest in the first place.

There  is usually a period of longing when you break up with your ex..... or he or she breaks up with you.  Of course you will be missing one another and have an urge to get back together from time to time.   This is especially true if you have been together for longer than one year  or longer.   There are memories and loving times shared that will be thought of during this time.   During this time past regrets will start to develop and chances are that you ex is thinking the same things you are…..  “Does my ex want to get back with me?”

Unfortunately…sometimes when an ex shows interest again following a break up however, it is only a game. They may see that you love them, and they may simply be trying to get attention, without actually intending to get you back. So, unless your ex really seems genuinely interested in spending time with you, they may just be passing the time because they have no other prospects on the horizon. And worst of all they  may see this as away to get revenge for some perceived wrong. This is why it is important not to jump the gun, and why you should focus on reading into the situation before you act on it.

This is common, and a lot of people find themselves wondering "does my ex want to get back with me?", but the truth is, its better to get a feel for the situation before you act. In reality, if your ex does want to get back with you, playing hard to get (in moderation) is the best scenario because it will prevent you from getting hurt if your ex is not really serious about getting back with you.

WATCH THIS GREAT VIDEO WITH TIPS AND INFORMATION

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